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Not Always Right | Funny
The Orlando Hillbillies 
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 19 Nov. 2008
(I work as a security officer in an upscale hotel near the big theme parks in Orlando. We had gotten a call from one of the rooms complaining about a break-in and theft.)
Me: “Sir, you called security about a break-in? When were you out?”
Customer: “Yeah! We just got back from [theme park[ and somebody broke in here and took all of
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A Bozo By Any Other Name
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 19 Nov. 2008
Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”
(The client looks at name on desk; my name’s Hattie.)
Client: “Your name is so stupid.”
Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t help that. It’s not so bad. ”
Client: “Your parents must really hate you.”
Me: “No, I’m sure the
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One Annoyed Paranoid
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 19 Nov. 2008
(I work at the photo department and am checking out a customer with a “Happy Birthday, Grand Son!” birthday card.)
Customer: “Hello… I only have this one birthday card.”
Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.15. I just need your signature on the line, please.”
(The customer begins to sign her receipt, then pauses. She looks
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Our Great Dumbocracy
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 17 Nov. 2008
(A woman in medical scrubs with a name badge enters the store and approaches the counter.)
Customer: “Helllooo! How are YOU tonight?”
Me: ”I’m doing well. How are you?”
Customer: “Oh, just fine. Are you voting in this year’s election?”
Me: “Yes, I am.”
Cus
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Heaven Sent Deliveries, Moses Speaking
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 17 Nov. 2008
Caller: ”My furniture is scheduled for delivery today and I have a big problem: it’s going to snow!”
Me: “Okay, we can reschedule you for–”
Caller: “No, I need it delivered today!”
Me: “What would you like me to do?”
Caller: “I want you to make it not snow!”
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Normal Time Vs. Customer Time
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 17 Nov. 2008
Me: “Hello sir, can I help?”
Customer: “I want the 20 piece bargain bucket.”
Me: “Well, there will be a five minute wait. We have only just opened and don’t have that quantity cooked yet.”
Customer: “Fine.”
(He pays and takes a seat. About three minutes later, he approaches the
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In The Name Of All That Is Cheesy
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 17 Nov. 2008
Me: “Thank you for calling *** Pizza, would you like the special?”
Caller: “No thanks, I’d just like a large Quattro Cheese pizza.”
Me: “Sure, no problem.”
Caller: “And… no feta on one side.”
Me: “Okay, no feta on one side.”
Caller: “
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Deranged Decades
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 17 Nov. 2008
(I used to work summers for my dad, who is a psychiatrist.)
Me: “Good morning, Dr. ***’s Office, how can I help you?”
Caller: “Hi, I need to make an appointment with Dr. ***. Can I speak with him?”
Me: “Sorry, he’s with a patient right now but if you give me your information, I’ll set up an appointm
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Is That A Tumor In Your Pocket…
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 12 Nov. 2008
(A customer is looking in our pet store’s front window at our display of hamsters, rats and mice.)
Customer: “I want to make a complaint.”
Me: “Sure, would you like me to get the store manager?”
Customer: “Yes, right this minute.”
(I get the manager.)
Manager:
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category Customer
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While You’re At It, Do My Taxes Too
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 12 Nov. 2008
(It’s May 5th, and I’m remotely connected to a customer’s computer helping her with a billing issue.)
Customer: “What race are you?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Customer: “Well, I’m only asking because it’s Cinco De Mayo, and I’m Mexican. Well, I have Mexican blood.”
Me: “Oh.
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PB&Js In My PJs
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 12 Nov. 2008
Me: “Hello?”
Male caller: “Hi, I’d like a #9 and–”
Me: “Uh, excuse me?”
Male caller: “That was a #9.”
Me: “This isn’t a sandwich store.”
Male caller: “No? Where am I calling?”
Me: “My… house?”
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Drunk Dialin’
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 12 Nov. 2008
Me: “Thank you for calling [phone company], how may I help you?”
Customer: *slurring* “Yeeeaah, you f***ers owe me a 40 of Jack Daniels!”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Customer: “I SAID YOU OWE ME A 40 OF JACK!”
Me: “Why is that, sir?”
Customer:
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Way, Way Too Much Information
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 10 Nov. 2008
Caller: “I was wondering what stains you can get out of fabric? Can you get everything out?”
Me: “What is the stain, exactly?”
Caller: “Well, I was watching this woman on telly and I got a bit excited–”
Me: *cuts him off* “–Oh yes, we can get THAT out.”
Caller:
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Those Darned Falling Gas Prices
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 10 Nov. 2008
Customer: “I paid for $21 and it stopped at $15!”
Me: “Is it full?”
Customer: “No, I paid for $21!”
Me: *squeezes nozzle* “Okay… I got a couple drops in, but I really think you’re full.”
Customer: “But I put in $21. Why won’t it fill up? I know it isn
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The Perfect Customer
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 10 Nov. 2008
(A customer wants a better plan than her current 150 minutes/month. I notice she never uses more than 100 minutes or so a month.)
Me: ”Well, Ma’am, since our plans have change and this amount of minutes seems to be perfect for you, I’m happy to tell you that I can give you the exact same plan for $30 a month and save you $10 a month.”
C
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Label Whores
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Mon, 10 Nov. 2008
Customer: “I saw in your flier that y’all sell Swarovski crystal beads. Where would I find those?”
Me: “In the beading aisle, ma’am. It’s the third up from the back, and the beads should be at the end nearest the wall.”
Customer: “I already looked there! There aren’t any!”
Me: ”Oh,
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All Signs Point To Duh
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 05 Nov. 2008
Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”
Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cash back. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”
Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”
Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have sign
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category Customer
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Perhaps She Should Talk To General Protection Fault
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 05 Nov. 2008
Customer: “I am calling to let you know that you are running an illegal operation.”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Customer: “That’s right! My computer says so right on the screen!”
Me: “Ma’am, that’s a Microsoft error message that says, ‘Your program has performed an illegal operation’.”
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So Much For A Discount
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 05 Nov. 2008
Me: “Hi, is there anything I can help you find today?”
Male Customer: “Well, yeah, I’m trying to get something for my wife. It’s her birthday.”
(He finally decides on a sweater.)
Me: “Okay, now what size would you say your wife is?”
Male Customer: “Um, well, she’s kind of
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A Nation Of Size Queens, Part 2
admin via Not Always Right | Funny & on Wed, 05 Nov. 2008
Me: “Good evening! You have reached [campground name], how can I help?”
Customer: “Excuse me miss, but will I need my parka? I hear it’s only 28 degrees up there today.”
Me: “I wouldn’t imagine so. It’s hot and sunny outside. Everyone here is wearing shorts and t-shirts.”
Customer: “Are
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category Customer
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